does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize