someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I could fuck to npr.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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