He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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