We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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