i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
