why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
