let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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