I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dignity is for republicans.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
