Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize