we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
