And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
