So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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