The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i barfeds in our rink
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
