Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
