I must be too annoying 4 u.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
