I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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