I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize