Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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