I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
