i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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