Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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