who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
