I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
