Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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