just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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