I wish my penis had an off switch
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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