he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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