Where did you get a picture of my penis
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
