I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
