It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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