Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
