You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
