glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
