I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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