I got chris browned last night
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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