the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
