I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
