I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I didn't notice because vodka
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
