Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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