i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
