screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
