I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
