he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
