dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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