Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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