fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
