I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
