I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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