Pants 0. Shit 1.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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