my being single is dangerous.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
