You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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