my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
