never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
