I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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