I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
