I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
