Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
