Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
