i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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