Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
