I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
