is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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