i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
