Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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