She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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