Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
