I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize