Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
