If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
