yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize