I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
