definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize