you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
