The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
