i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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