I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dear god my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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