She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
