I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
