in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
