allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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