Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize