I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
