i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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