Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
