Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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