Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
