I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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