He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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