Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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