Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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