You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
