Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
