This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
