i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
