You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
