If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize