peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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