Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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