I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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