i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
