Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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