If that was your dad, he is hot
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
