I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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