The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
