i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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