I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
